People who are close (friends, family, significant others) to someone with anxiety are often told not to say “stop worrying” to someone having a panic attack, as it can make it worse.
Someone with anxiety can actually start panicking over the fact that their panic attack is over something trivial, because the implication of “stop worrying” is that the worry is over something trivial.
And this is especially true for depression & anxiety together: people like me can run the gambit of negative emotions. We can even recognize that we are panicking over something stupid or nothing at all and that just feeds into the downward spiral of negative emotions.
Because of this it can be hard for to vocalize what I need/want, and with the anxiety I can actually be afraid to ask for help.
Sometimes, though, what I really want is for someone to tell me “don’t worry.”
This may seem contradictory to the advice given above, but there is a subtle difference.
I don’t want or need someone to tell me to stop being upset. What I need is someone to tell me not to worry about everything else.
When I have a panic attack, or a bad depression day, or a day like today where I have both; I feel guilty that I’m not able to do what I’m supposed to.
Poor EJ has spent most of the day in his room playing games and watching videos on his iPad because I literally do not have what it takes to play with him, especially when all he wants to do is go play in the neighbor’s yard in the hopes that they will come outside to play with him.
All I want is for someone occasionally to say “don’t worry about everything else. Go take a shower or a nap or have a Netfilx binge session while wrapped up in blankies. Don’t worry about EJ or dinner or laundry. Just worry about you and whatever it is that triggered you”
But I don’t feel like I can actually ASK someone to do that for me. And more than that, I want to feel like Hubby or anyone cares enough to do something like that for me without me asking.
Instead I end up feeling hurt when Hubby clearly knows I’m having a bad day and doesn’t even offer (and is upset when I ask) to call out at work. Then when he asks why I’m upset it’s too late for him to call out and I usually say something stupid/hurtful or dismissive “well there is nothing you can do now so you might as well go to work” and he storms off angry or hurt.
I’ve become aware that I say a lot of hurtful things to Hubby when I’m upset, so I’ve taken to not saying anything, but that doesn’t seem to be solving anything, because either way I feel like he is either oblivious to my needs and feelings or only sort of cares at best.
Like, I appreciate that he skipped his last class to come home when I sent him a text saying I was falling apart. But coming home and instructing the toddler that has literally been crawling all over me all morning to give me hugs and kisses is not helping. Neither is making me a sandwich then sitting on Facebook for an hour while EJ plays with his trucks. I could have handled that by myself. What I needed was to know I could take my time and do what I need to get myself functioning again without having to worry that as soon as he leaves for work EJ will throw a fit, or try to do gymnastics off the couch and that the rest of the day was going to fall apart during the 8 hours he was at work, as well as be assured that I wasn’t going to run out of spoons, so I could conserve some to ensure I had enough for tomorrow’s interview.
EJ had literally not stopped fussing all afternoon. He didn’t take a nap. The few time I did let him out of his room he was a terror and ended up in time out, which resulted in more fussing. He finally passed out at 7 pm and I know that is too early and he’ll wake up at some stupid hour and be awake until some godawful hour in the morning. But at this point I don’t have enough spoons to care, let alone enough to wake him up and deal with a tired and crabby toddler that wants nothing more than to sleep.
So that on top of being a complete emotional mess has left me with no spoons and I fear not enough spoons to do the interview tomorrow.
So I called and canceled my interview. I was hoping that I was calling just after the HR lady left so I could leave a message and she would call to reschedule tomorrow when I was hopefully in a clearer mental state. Instead I caught her just as she was leaving and since I didn’t have a day to reschedule to she removed me from the applicant pool.
So I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.
For as emotional as I was worrying about the interview, I was equally emotional about canceling it.
But with the state I’ve been in today there was no way I was going to have a successful interview tomorrow so I probably wasn’t going to get the job either way.
So we will see what life has in store for me for the future.
But right now I’m all right.