Disappointments

As expected, I haven’t done much blogging. I’m loosing the oomph, so to speak. I’m battling the darkness again. But instead of the all out skirmishes I’ve had the last few times depression started getting the best of me, this time its more of siege. I’m more or less ok day-to-day, but the darkness is looming ever present, and can break through my defenses at any moment.

This is starting to effect my running. I’m not enjoying it the way I used to, and I hate that, because I love running. But I’m not going to give up. That is one thing that running as really instilled in me: a refusal to give up when the going gets tough.

That being said, this week has been a tough one.

I had shingles, which was miserable and zapped a good bit of my energy. Plus EJ had a bad cold that is still lingering as a stuffy nose and cough that just won’t go away.

When I did run I struggled. I’m still hovering around a 12-13 min/mi pace, and hubby is right around 10. So I’m disappointed that I still haven’t reached the pacing goal I set for myself, especially since Hubby has reached it. And its really making me feel unprepared for my 5k on Saturday.

So last night, instead of continuing to follow our training plan, we decided to run 5k to help me feel ready for the race. Despite my request for him not to, Hubby left me in the dust. He was a good 1/4-1/2 mile ahead of me for most of the run. I really wanted him to run at my pace and encourage me along; to convince me that I can push through my desire to walk at mile 1 and to keep going a little longer, and to tell me I’m doing fine when my pace starts slowing and I’m ready just to give up. I needed that and I didn’t get it. I was so pissed I gave him the silent treatment from the moment we met up at the end of our running course until I woke up this morning. I was hurt and I just didn’t want to talk to him. And its not like he didn’t know that was what I wanted during the workout. During the warm up he asked if we should just meet at the finish, and I said something that indicated that I wasn’t going to stop him but I’d rather we ran together. And before you think “oh well, he’s a guy, of course he doesn’t pick up on subtle hints” his response to my comment was “that’s just your nice way of saying you’d rather me not run ahead” SO HE KNEW EXACTLY WHAT I WAS SAYING AND DID IT ANYWAYS. And far from boosting my confidence about the race, it instead made me wonder why I’m even going to run it, because I’ll probably end up DFL. By mile 2 it started to rain and I was ready to go home, taking a short cut and leaving him to figure out what happened to me. Its a good thing my will to finish the 5k was stronger. I walked a lot more than I should have, but I felt so neglected and defeated that it took everything in me just to finish. Now if we were both running on Saturday I probably wouldn’t have cared as much because he needs to train at his pace. But he’s not running on Saturday, in fact he’s not even registered for any races other than Expedition Everest, and he doesn’t even carry a phone/GPS with him so its not like he was trying to see how fast he could go. I don’t know what his reason for leaving me behind was, but it likely wasn’t a good enough reason to leave me feeling as hurt as I was.

And this wasn’t even the most disappointing thing that happened this week.
This past Saturday was supposed to be my kick-off Pampered Chef party. I was super excited! I had practiced the recipes a few times, I spend the morning cleaning up the house and was ready for an awesome evening.

Not a soul showed up.

Well, that’s not entirely true. My recruiter came to help and AMIL was there, but neither of them were going to buy anything, so they didn’t count. About 10 minutes after it started my next door neighbor messaged me wanting to know if it was too late for her to crash the party (she had sick kiddos and had to wait for her husband to get home), but I told her not to bother since no one else had arrived.

I was pretty disappointed, but I’m not letting it get me down. I’m determined to succeed with Pampered Chef and I am confident that my future parties will not be as dismal.

I’ve got a busy rest of the month ahead of me. Not only am I running a 5k, but my recruiter and I have a booth at the steak cookoff that the 5k is a part of. Then during the week I’ve got another PC party. Then the following weekend I’m taking my first solo trip to Orlando to do a party for my friend up there, and spend a part of the day at Disney World. Hopefully things will start to turn around for me.

One quick bit of shameless self promotion: Starting tomorrow Pampered Chef is having a huge blowout sale. Over 100 items at 50-85% off. This will include a few pieces of stoneware and cookware, and a bunch of other discontinued items. They can all be found on the Outlet section of my website (click on “shop” the select “outlet”) once the sale begins. The sale will start at about 1 am EST and will end on Monday. So if you like awesome deals and/or Pampered Chef products (and/or you want to help support me) you’ll definitely want to check this out.

I should post the stats for my runs this week, but I’ll be honest. I really don’t feel like doing the math to figure out the change between C25k and now, so I’ll get through Thursday’s workout and post them all then.

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11 thoughts on “Disappointments

  1. NotAPunkRocker says:

    Empathy like, of course.

    Did anyone RSVP to the party or was it an open house? Either way, I am still sorry it turned out that way.

    Here’s to a better day, week, month, etc. coming up soon. ((HUGS))

    Liked by 1 person

    • I had a few people RSVP, one forgot, the others canceled last minute. It was also open house style, so I thought a few who hadn’t RSVPd might have stopped by. But apparently there was a big conference at the University that most of the town went to. When I set the time I thought the conference would be over, but it went later than my party.

      Like

  2. Stop shaping your running around to your husband. Run alone. Run for yourself. You are the only person you’ll ever truly be able to count on. You’ll find how freeing it is and how empowering it is going it alone! You CAN do this. YOU!

    Also, I found this interesting today. At least we’re not alone in the dark place!

    http://www.salon.com/2015/01/21/7_historical_figures_who_wrestled_with_depression_and_how_they_eased_their_suffering_partner/

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You can do the 5K! I know it! Shingles is not a minor condition – and you can’t help all that’s going on. Just do your best. I’ve smashed goals, but also missed many. It’s finishing that counts at the end of the day. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. For my first year of running, when I was entering 5Ks and even some 10Ks, I ALWAYS came in last in my age group. Sometimes it was even significantly slower than the next runner up. (One time the sweeper car passed me and left me behind!) But I sucked it up and told everyone that I had “successfully defended my position as last in my age group.

    Here’s a bit of running advice that works for me and may help you when you’re ready to stop or walk: When I feel that I can’t run another step, I take an inventory of my body. Are my legs tired? (Usually not.) Are my lungs about to explode? (Almost never after the first mile.) Are my knees hurting? (Not so much anymore.) And what I find is that the body is able and willing, and the desire to stop is solely in my head. I don’t want to put up with the pushing and the misery of it, so I tell myself I can’t go on. In fact, I can. (On my training runs I sometimes take a break after the first half mile. On a 5K with a start and a finish line I can run non-stop the whole way — because there are witnesses, I think. I even ran the entire distance of a half marathon once — my son was the witness there — though I’ve not been able to do that again.) Maybe that will help you. And regardless, there is no shame in walking part of a race. Many people manage their miles that way.

    When the time comes (soon) for me to get a new running watch, I’m going to go through your link to Amazon to buy it.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. I understand your need to just have him keep pace with you this once, to prep you for Saturday. I am sorry he didnt honor your request. Sometimes boys just don’t get it. Would it help to vosualize your guardian angel with running with you as your own cheerleader? Dunno. Just a thought. I will pray for you tomorrow! Si, se puede! YES, I CAN ☺

    Liked by 1 person

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